Thoughts on being a MAMIL
by Robert Thorpe
Standing out from the crowd for the right reasons
In September last year I turned 60 years of age. Some people will say ‘Wow, that’s old!’ In truth it’s not, as I hope to live and to be active for quite a long time. Yes, my hair is grey, and ironically that’s not simply an age issue, it’s genetic. I went grey quite early in life – probably sent grey by the number of idiots I’ve had to put up with throughout my life. I can however still run a cross country course or middle distance track event faster than many people a lot younger than myself. When people look at you as middle aged, they don’t see the person who has entered and won many events as a younger man. They don’t see the free climber and mountaineer. They don’t see the mountain runner, the hiker, or the person who has survived untold elements of the pain barrier that would make most people quit far earlier. There are aspects of what I have done and achieved in life that are private to me and my family, and I remain proud of them and the challenge they gave to me… quietly.
I’ve also shed tears over the loss of young friends; some killed in road traffic accidents whilst teenagers, some dying in their twenties, and too many dying since then. So don’t wince at age, nor mock it, because it’s a privilege that I wish I’d been able to share with some truly wonderful people, including my older brother, whom I am now older than at his death. Yes, hearing those endless ‘age related’ comments does really piss me off, whilst I’m still quietly reassured that I have at least reached 60 in a reasonably healthy state, and I know what I will look like at 60 – and it’s not to shabby. Many of you have still to achieve this milestone, and you have very little idea on how the years will be kind to you – or otherwise. Based on a lot of what I see – good luck with that one! Few have earned my respect.
Age is a privilege
A former colleague bumped into me a while ago and said, ‘Oh, you’re very grey haired now!’ Without going into detail, they didn’t – and have never done so – look the healthiest of people, and were not aesthetically outstanding in any way – except maybe at Halloween. Instead of commenting on the ignorance, their ugliness and many other features that society ought to be protected from, I simply nodded and smiled… and then vowed to ignore them for the many years that I hopefully have left.
You may be asking what this has to do with cycling, and that is a reasonable question. In truth, it’s quite simple: I represent that happy and financially secure demographic who can go out and buy cycling products, buy expensive bikes and travel to far flung places without worrying too much about the costs. After all, according to many of you out there, I’m old and probably smell of cabbage. And so, I may as well spend my money whilst I have the opportunity! However, cycling brands are generally too ignorant to realise that whilst they’ve been declaring bankruptcy faster than Donald Trump can fill a nappy, they’ve also been targeting the wrong demographics – we have money, you dingbats! Stop pissing us off!
It’s my demographic – and my wife – who actually have the means and funds to buy the products that you can’t shift because you’re targeting the wrong audience. Yes, I’m 60 years, but my physiology still says – according to medical experts – that I’m an athlete, albeit older in years. I have my mental faculties and I am still able to walk unaided to the cafe. My hair is grey, but my skin is smooth, as I have hardly ever drunk alcohol, genetics were kind to me, and I have never used soap or layers of makeup to block up my skin pores. My clothing still fits from years ago, and I don’t look like apregnant man about to give birth. So why the heck –I had to press pause and think about which word to use, because ‘why the fuck’ would have been so much more appropriate – do cycling brands too frequently focus on so called influencers who have little in common with me… or in common with anyone within the real world, and who quite frankly only influence me to switch over and ignore them? It’s a simple question, and I am willing to wait whilst you form a reasonable answer. The cycling industry wastes millions chasing a small percentage who have no loyalty and who rarely have the funds to buy the products – and they call it business! I despair at such stupidity.
Looking good in lycra at 60 – the challenge
My wife – God bless her – says that I still look good in lycra, and I ride frequently. If she says otherwise, I will wear something else. There are too many non-athletes abusing other people’s eyes with sports clothing worn in the wrong context. I have been with this amazing women since our teens, and her opinion matters – not marketeers from brands that constantly fail to achieve anything meaningful. Good luck selling through the online clothes horses!
Personally, I know for sure that I can still outrun many people half my age – I did so prior to leaving my previous career in policing. On a 3 mile run for trainees, I was asked if I’d like to join in. I did and came third, and only lacking the sprint I had in my youth for first place! Years ago, I would have rightly been sent out to run it again, had a 51 year old with an office job beaten me aged 25! I still go jogging occasionally with my 25 year old son, and he doesn’t have to wait for me… too long.
Yes, you see, I am a Mamil, and I am grey haired, and I do cycle more slowly now – even though I know that I could train harder and ride harder. However, I now love simply taking to the bike and knowing that I have time to relax and to take in the beautiful scenery of North Yorkshire. I have time to relax and talk with friends, and more importantly I have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone or to myself. I am living a life in honour of those friends who died too young, – who I cycled with, rock climbed with, played badminton and tennis with, and who I hiked to to the top of mountains with. I am living the life that they didn’t get the opportunity to live, so don’t ever treat age as anything other than a celebration of life. Loss over many years and the witnessing of tragedies makes you far more reefelctive on life. These days, I still hike and ride with these friends – quietly in my mind, because I’ve earned the right to say that the world is chaotic, selfish and filled with ignorance and bullshit.
As I write this, I’m looking out of my window at grey skies. However, to me that simply means that I will have a cool and refreshing ride. I don’t need the sun to shine for any images I may take, where I might have to pout, stick my arse out, or stretch my arm out front whilst my head faces down, or try to look serious, staring inanely upwards and end up just looking constipated – and that’s just the men on social media!
I refuse to sell my soul to the devil, and I refuse to buy from brands who are solely focused on a demographic who own nothing but credit card debt and a too large ego. One thing about being a writer is an adherence to truth and honesty – something, along with integrity, that is sadly lacking these days. I refuse to entertain any brand that stops recognising the value of my close friend when she became a mom, even though she is still an exceptional athlete, an exceptional content creator and human being,– more beautifil inside than her outward aesthetic beauty, which is in itself sublime. Why, because as a mom, riding occasionally with her daughter on the bike too, she no longer fitted the image that the brands wanted to portray. Brands seeking to replicate the mannequins that watch down on the Hunger Games, and share the same selfish traits.
I value parenting & self-respect, not Strava segments
I refuse to give airtime or webspace here at Pedalnorth to brands who believe that their bank balance and ability to pay aimless looking statues is more important that the quality of their product, or the quality of their interactions with all cyclists – whatever their age, their gender or their role as a parent, and specifically as a mom.
And on this subject, I’ll leave you with a thought and a few searching questions: What will you be like at 60 and how will your life be defined? What would you be like as a parent? Would you dedicate yourself to your family or continue to be a selfish and self-centered preener, needing surgery as you get older, due to the number and frequency of the utterly ridiculous poses you’ve thrown online as you seek life as a Z lister on some social media channel that continues to ignore the fact that those who actually have a disposable income are completely fed up with how they’re being treated.
I know these answers and I’m proud of who I am, who I’ve been, of my moral and ethical compass and of my health and fitness. And, I’m proud of the the people I now live my life in memory of. I’m proud too of my cycling friend in Flanders, who dedicates herself to parenthod of two children now. And, likewise I’m proud of my numerous middle aged and parenting friends living on the Cote D’Azure, who I believe have achieved so much in life as human beings with good altruistic hearts. Their absence from cycling media is a loss that brands will never understand as long as the arses of ignorant marketing people point south! Yes, I’m a MAMIL, and I’m generally a quietly spoken person; but never confuse that quietness or politeness with ignorance or weakness.
Try thinking that I and those like me have been already journeyed through those painful epochs of life and have survived intact. Yes, I am a middle aged man/ person in lycra and I am so fucking proud to be able to say that!
